High Conflict Couples

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Chapter 10: High Conflict Couples

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1. Explain “Problem Management” versus “Problem Solving.” Is “problem management” valuable? Why or why not?

2. Most relationship problems involve what important element?

3. Explain the three scenarios that work the book describes for when Kevin doesn’t want to do the laundry because it chaps his hands.

3. Hidden Answer
1. Alicia has sympathy on her husband and offers to do the laundry for him.
2. Alicia asks for a trade – she will do the laundry in exchange for another chore.
3. She offers to get him medical help for his hands as a solution and will do the laundry in the meantime until his hands feel better.

4. Explain how you do “problem analysis.”

5. How can looking at a “problem analysis” help?

6. Give a personal example of a time recently where “problem analysis” may have helped.

7. Explain how “acceptance” that the problem might not be solved right now can be helpful.

8. What are the steps the book gives in “Negotiating a Solution.”

8. Hidden Answer
1. Focus on one conflict topic at a time.
2. Brainstorm possible solutions.
3. Negotiate an agreement.
4. Commit to your agreement.
5. Evaluate whether the agreement is working or needs to be “fine-tuned.”

9. What are some “problems” you are having right now that you can work on “managing” with your partner.

10. What are some solutions that can be “negotiated” to solve these problems?

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