High Conflict Couples

Chapter 8: High Conflict Couples

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1. How can you show that you are “hearing” your partner with your body language?

2. Should you always show that you are “actively listening” and “paying attention” before you say anything in response to what your partner is saying?

3. Name a time recently when you could have more “actively listened” to your partner. What happened?

4. Give an example of how you can validate your partner’s experience when they are criticizing you without taking the blame for it. You can use the example in the book.

5. When your partner is angry and in a “heightened emotional state,” what are some things you can do to soothe them?

6. Give an example of how to validate what IS valid about “problematic” or dysfunctional behavior

7. Name a time recently where you could have used the “Of course” strategy it talks about in the book to validate your partner.

8. When your partner is being vulnerable with you, explain how using “Me, too” can help the situation.

9. Give an example of how you can validate someone’s experience through action.

10. What are the three things the book says you need to do to respond with action in a validating way.

10. Hidden Answer
1. Notice “just the facts” – what your partner needs right now, what would work for them.
2. Stay mindful (don’t slip into judgement or self-righteousness).
3. Find a way to respond that does not sacrifice your self-respect but meets your partner’s needs.

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