High Conflict Couples

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Chapter 7: High Conflict Couples

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1. How can “invalidating” your partner in a relationship negatively effect them?

2. What definition does the book give for “validation?”

3. Is “validating” the same as “agreeing?” Explain.

4. Name at least three things that “validation” of your partner communicates.

4. Hidden Answer
1. You are paying attention to your partner
2. You are interested in your partner’s experience (wants, emotions, thoughts).
3. You understand (or assume) his/her experience
4. You think his/her experience is “legitimate.”
5. You are not responding in a defensive way
6. You are not trying to be hurtful
7. You are not responding in an offensive way.

5. Explain how “validating” builds intimacy.

6. Explain how “validating” builds “self-respect.”

7. What is the two-word sentence the book uses that validates anyone’s experience by making it “normative?”

8. What are at least 3 things you can validate of your partner to strengthen your communication and relationship.

8. Hidden Answer
1. Emotions
2. Wants or Desires
3. Beliefs and Opinions
4. Actions
5. Suffering

9. Name some specific ways that you can “validate” your partner right now in the relationship.

10. Describe an incident recently where you could have been more “validating” to your partner.

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